From 2017 winning play, Dead Don’t Floss
Scene 3: Floss
Alex goes back to making her bed with a sort of faded energy slowly returning to her.
Alex (to the audience) One thing that I really do find hilarious, and I say this genuinely, is my father. He’s like a caricature of an awkward dad. It’s astounding.
Her dad hovers at the edge of the door.
Alex He never remembers to knock until he has already come into the room and looked around a bit. He’s not being a tactical genius, he’s just really not practiced in the art of excessive politeness.
As she says this he enters the room, looks around a bit, then knocks sloppily on the door frame without looking.
Alex (to the audience) He always makes a kind of unnecessary comment, like small talk. Really, really small talk. Especially for the man from whom I get half of my genetic material and who has raised me since birth.
Dad I like what you’ve done with it. (He roughly gestures to the entire bedroom).
Alex Thanks Dad, you were here yesterday. (He nods but doesn’t actually react as she turns back to the audience) Nothing has changed since yesterday.
He walks slowly over to down stage left and hesitates looking around the floor.
Alex He will never sit on my bed, there’s no reason why, he just won’t. So instead, he’ll improvise. Inventively. He once decided to do a kind of awkward squat, like PE teachers do to demonstrate their athleticism. He was very committed. Think that’s why he has trouble with his knees now.
He spots a laundry basket piled high with clothes and slowly perches on it, not really letting his full weight rest. He is half facing the audience, somehow not quite able to face his daughter.
Alex Now, he’s going to ask me something wildly out-dated. Not only in terms of my life but also in terms of general society.
Dad How are your O-levels getting along then?
Alex Or, something completely arbitrary.
Dad Are you flossing? Flossing is really important.
Alex Or, if he’s feeling confident, he’ll make a clunky attempt at getting in touch with his feminine side.
Dad Do you need any (it’s difficult for him to say) tampons or sanitary towels or…bras or anything?
Alex Or, he might even ask about one of my friends. He’ll always get their name wrong. Without fail. But never wildly wrong, in fact it almost seems deliberate.
Dad And how is my buddy Neymar?
Alex It’s Naima, Dad. Neymar’s the weirdly attractive Brazilian football player.